Before the French Armchair Beauty Contest began, the French Armchairs quickly glanced over their shoulders to see who was who and who was wearing what. As the curtain rose the French Armchairs straighten their backs, tucked in their tummies, lift their chins, strutting their stuff in front of the adoring audience of Sofas and Tables hoping to find a clever match.
Miss Smooth Velvet-
She thought she stood a chance as monochrome colors were in. Though her bone structure was not as classy as Miss Eighteen Century, and her bottom wasn't as pumped up as should be in these type of shows. That is why she wore velvet...thinking chic covered sins.
Felt like crying. She got the dance routine wrong and ended up facing the wrong way. How she wished she could do a solo routine. Certainly, the dance steps would be easier. "Groups" or the French Armchair Beauty Contest like to call it: "Teamwork", threatened her.
Miss Checker Board-
Loved to play the field, and waited happily to make her mark, "Chest!"
She laughed looking at her own, she loved the play on words
Ms. Lone Runner-
Wasn't an Armchair, but a chair nevertheless. She stood her ground declaring that the French Armchair Beauty Contest was prejudice and politically incorrect.
Elegantly dressed in Aubusson knew that she stood a chance. Though why did her parents give her such an upper-class snobby name, gee that might as well named her Princess.
Miss One and Miss Another-
The twins wanted to enter as a pair. They did everything together, and in this case, it upped their chances of winning, well at least they thought so. The judges threw their pencils in the air, "Enough is enough, this is a single ladies French Armchair Beauty Contest. One or Another has to go.
They both left as they could not bear to be alone.
Miss Down and Out-
Shook her head when she saw the other contestants especially when she saw Miss Royal-Ette. She heard the judges liked shabby chic and she had such good bone structure. How she wished she had more time, more money at least she could reapply for the upcoming year.
Miss Louisette the Sixteenth-
Knew what side was her best, and flaunted it as often as possible. A girl has to do what a girl has to do. Winning was her goal.
Miss Champagne Bottle Top Holder-
Knew her name was far far too long. But that was the least of her problems.
She wondered if she had enough time to make some arms if Miss Lone Runner didn't convince the judges to accept her.
Original was her real name. Pink was her cover. Seduction was her game. She played to win.
Threw a fit when she heard props were not allowed. Funny how she did not believe she was better without a prop.
I do not know where this is going. I like armchairs. Just thought I would let you know that about me.
The photo above is of Annie years ago.
Do you have a favorite place to sit? Since I am not very tall often my feet do not touch the ground when I sit in a chair. Therefore my favorite place to sit is to pull a leg up but that isn't very classy.
When I first arrived in France (thirty years ago) French Husband took me to an office party. He said it was a casual-after-work-have-a-drink-sorta-thing. It was at an office friend's nutshell apartment.
I wore casual. Everyone stood around looking uncomfortable, there weren't enough chairs to go around so I thought I would sit on the floor next to the crowded sofa hoping to give a lead-in for people to relax, talk in a group, and get cozy.
Wow was that a faux pas! The instant I sat down I knew I was doing a big no-no. I could hear a silence fill the space between them and me. How I wished I could have disappeared. I sat still turning every shade of red. Then I stood up and went to the bathroom. To this day I wonder what was so bad about sitting on the floor.
Though I have never seen anyone sit on the floor since.
Who has your vote for the armchair contest?