How Are You Today?

I woke  up from my dream crying. I don't remember the dream, except I do remember hearing someone crying and was surprised to hear it was me.
My pillow case was soaked, and tears were fresh upon my face. The morning started with a hush silence, an emptiness, a longing... a surrender to that which is blocked inside of me. Sadness.

I wiped my tears, sat at the edge of the bed, took off the pillow case, while I sat with the sadness of my dream. I imagined it sitting there by my side. I felt my dad's hand.
The flood gate opened wide. The dream burst into reality.

Little by little time heals the wounded heart. Little by little and with great joy, the images of my father are no longer the haunting ones from the hospital.

After a few minutes (that seem to express a lifetime), the sadness got up, opened the window and flew towards the sun.

I hope your day unfolds with deep wonderful feelings, with awareness, with an open window to fly towards the sun. May the day give you an avenue to express yourself freely.

Comments

[Gracie]

I can relate to this very well. For months after my father's death I was unable to cry (I cried so much that early morning that I felt as I was completely dried up). Now I can think of him and see the face that belonged to him when he was fine, in full health and always smiling. This brings a lot of sadness but it's also a sweet feeling in a certain way.

[Miss*R]

this post reminded me so much of myself when my dad died 16 years ago. the raw grief. missing him more than I can even explain. it takes time.. there is no set time to healing grief. xoxo

[Jend'isère]

Thanks you for openly writing. I have a writing group meeting this afternoon and you brought the sunrays through the drizzle by your advice to express myself freely. Better than the lovely tulips of Monday!

[Cath]

I woke up in floods of tears this morning as well, after dreaming that my Dad had died. (he hasn't, I've checked!) The shock of waking up in such an odd way threw me. It throws me to send you massive hugs. Much Love. C x

[le petit cabinet de curiosites]

Good you are abble to cry and to express yourself.You know so much how to share your feelings.
May I talk about myself after this post .
To your question : How are you today . I answer: I'M VER VERY GOOD today. I'm back from Avignon, it was perfect for me, there is sun and life goes fine ...hope it never ends . If you want good energy , come to see me .You should watch :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVFj-_SDIHE

[Merisi's]

It a true blessing remembering the loved ones who left before us with a sense of joy that they still are part of us.
May the sun shine on you and your memories be all sweet!

[kay]

Your post sent shivers down my spine...my Dad was never one to voice his feelings which made lots of things unspoken between us but now three years after his death I find I talk to him every day and know he's listening..xx

[Shirley Blume]

Today is the three year anniversary of my Dad's death, and I found your words so poignant. It is somehow comforting to know that others sometimes feel this sadness.
Thank you for sharing this today and reaching out - unknowingly - to me.

Shirley
(I have never commented before but I am a loyal reader).

[pauline]

So often we mistakenly think that letting go of sadness means letting go of our love for the one who is gone. You have so beautifully described otherwise.

[Jen]

Oh, this has happened to me more than once since my mom died. It's so alarming. But why shouldn't they be in our dreams when they're so close in our thoughts when we're awake?

[Billie]

I am sending much love and hugs... flying right out of my window to you...

[Jeanne]

Grief is a very very long hard journey.

There is no cure for grief but to Grieve.

My love and prayers my darling
Hugs and kisses
Jeanne
X0X0

[Tara Dillard]

Thank you for sharing the visit with your father. Reminding me of visits I've had with loved ones.

The power of blogging. Who knew? A gift you sent to me, to others. You've pulled blessing, grace, & joy from grief.

Garden & Be Well, XO Tara

[Twinkleberry]

I'm so sorry Corey.

[caren]

I too have done the same thing - it is frightening to awaken to a pillow full of tears. I think it is your heart letting go and grieving. We try to be so strong and tend to hold too many things inside. It is a cleansing.

[Patricia]

My mother died when I was 10 (32 years ago!) and there is not one single day that goes by that I do not think of her. I have often had "visits" from her, too! I believe she is my guardian angel.

[debra]

Grieving is a process rather than an event, I think. I have felt the presence of both my parents and I am grateful for those gifts.

[Alena]

Dear Corey, sending you many hugs and love.. Wish we could all fly to you right now to hold you and comfort you.

[Leslie Garcia]

Dear Corey,
The best thing in the world is to be able to dream...loved ones always come back that way to us...and let us know that they are always right there with us.
May you have sweet dreams always dear Corey. You Dad was so lucky to see your face every day of his last months on this earth.
Love,
Leslie

[1eyedmonkee]

I, too, had a similar situation about a week ago. Rarely do I remember my dreams since I'm such a poor sleeper but woke knowing I had been crying inconsolably. It was so strangely healing. And like you after only six months, am glad to be replacing the memory of him looking out of hollow eyes in the hospice setting for the ones that happily reflected the blue skies. What a guy. What a lucky girl I am to have known him and to carry his name.
(http://1eyedmonkee.wordpress.com/2009/02/25/i-know-what-day-it-is/)

[Vicki]

May your wonderful heart continue to heal.
Sending you love and prayers.

[Paula]

hug

[Betty M]

Corey, let the tears flow. Tears have healing powers. They wash away the sad, unhappy memories to make room for the memories of the wonderful times. Missing your father will never go away but you will also always have the memories in your heart.

[Elaine]

Corey, I am happy that the time has come when you can now remember your dad with laughter and joy. There will still be days that bring sadness and longing to see him but the happy stories, moments and years shared and the sound of his life will much outweigh all the others. It's a difficult journey but it sounds as if you are there. I send you a great huge hug and four kisses!

[Vita Lenta nel Bel Paese]

Cara,

Your post awakens my feelings too. The crack of spring is an uproaring period. My sister died two years ago, and I talk to her almost every day. Particularly at this time of the year, my little conversations with her are necessary to keep sorrow and sadness away. Take good care of your memories, dear. Bacione, Ingrid in Umbria

[missy]

dreams....just mail from heaven--
comfort to you and everyone who love.
Missy from the bayou

[martina]

I wish the same for you today Corey. Spring is happy/sad for me. The flowers and gardens come back to life. The sun is out, daylight savings time starts. It was Dad's very favorite season and his birthday was the middle of this month. He died 24 years ago in eary April. There is usually a day of severe tears somewhere in there, then the good memories take over and the tears stop.

[Cre8Tiva]

i am walking the spiritual exercises this lenten season...my meditation today was about heartbreak...for me the crack that is in my heart is slowly allowing it to open...it has been closed a long time...healing comes in gentle whispers for us both this day...blessings

[Annette]

Corey, I'm sorry. Your message touched my heart. All in good time; it will get easier. Count all your blessings, as you have a multitude. Spring is on its way, a new beginning. Bless you.

[andrea]

In a few weeks it will be the 4 year anniversary of my dad's death.Time goes by so fast,it doesn't seem possible that he has not seen the last 4 years.Time doesn't really heal pain but it dulls it a little.

[Karen]

Ahhhhhhhh I'm so glad the damm finally burst...tears can be such a source of healing.

I awoke sandwiched between four year old twin daughters both of whom needed snuggles during the night. My husband came shaving and looked down at the three of us. A smile spread across his face and he remarked, "I want YOUR job!" Yea...spending my days revisiting the world through four year old eyes is pretty much the sweetest job in the world.

[nancy]

Thank you Corey.
I hope you feel better....

nancyxx

[Nancy ~ Fete et Fleur]

It seems as if we were in sync this morning.

Blessings!
Nancy

[Kel]

I'm hugging you...

This morning I woke up to my husband saying "somebody (looking at me) snores now"!

[Marilyn]

What beautiful images you create with words. I hope the sadness has lifted and flown away.

[Bramble]

Corey- I dreamt of my Mom & Grandfather talking to me the night before my weddidng. It was in the present as if they were with me and it gave me such a sense of peace and joy. I woke the next day (my wedding day) and my sadness was replaced with joy in knowing they were with me. Glad you had a similar experience. Doesn't it just seem that everything is a little brighter, clearer and better today? Blessings come when we least expect them!

[Denese]

You are a wise woman!!

Isn't it great to be 50ish?

Denese

[Charlotte]

Not good... they told us at work they were going to announce on Friday who stays and who's fired... So it was GREAT to receive your gift this evening!! THANKS A LOT!!!! I love it!

[gina cuff]

Perhaps you dreamt of your father. When I use to dream of my mother after she died, I believed she was coming to me in my dreams to tell me she was okay. I don't dream of her as often, but when I do, I always feel a sense of peace when I wake up.

~Gina

[Aunt Amelia's Attic]

Gentle hugs...

And wishes that all the sadness still blocked inside, will work its way out. And soon, be all released. Time, it takes time. And you know that.

I just want it to hurry up.

Aunt Amelia
"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death." ~Anais Nin

[kas]

Corey, in December I had a dream that you were looking for a new home for you and your family and your mom & dad. The funny part was you were all flying around the sky trying out different clouds to live on! You were all so happy to be living together and going on this adventure with each other. Laughing, chasing, embracing one another as the sweet blue sky whirled around you. It was as if it was perfectly normal for a family to live in the clouds as it is for them to live in a house. I woke laughing right along with you!

[Poe]

Dear Corey,

You are so very inspirational to me. Thank you for sharing your gifts, and helping me remember that I am not all that bad of a person for being sad sometimes, especially when I need to be.

Sincerely,
Poe

[Cindy]

Hugs

[Kathy]

Dear Corey

I so understand this. After 5 years this still sometimes happens to me. I see it as a good thing as it helps to let the emotions out. It is great that you are remembering the good times as they are what your Father's life really was. A man who enjoyes lide, loved his family and was so loved in return. That is a lot to be grateful for isn't it!

Take care

Kathy

[Kathy]

Sorry Corey, should check my typing before I post I meant - A man who enjoyed life, loved his family and was so loved in return.

Kathy

[Kathy]

Dear Corey

I so understand this. It still happens to me 5 years later. It is good for us to let these emotions out. It is great that you are remembering the good times in your Father's life as that is what made his life. A man who enjoyed life, loved his family and was loved in return.

Take care

Kathy

[Miss Sandy]

Dear Corey,
I am sorry that sadness crept into your dreams. May your day be sprinkled with good cheer.

[Stephenie]

What a great post. Thanks for sharing. I have woke up with tears in my eyes and having a sense of sorrow. I haven't lost my father and I can't even imagine what that was like for you. I work in the hospitals as a nurse and alot of the families say the same thing, about the image of loved one at their worst. I'm glad you had that time to cry and go through the emotions of loss. I hope you feel better.
Stephenie

[Alina]

Your father's smile is so warm and shy and his eyes so kind. I only met him through your blog, but that is how I think of him.

[beachy]

It sounds as though a weight has been lifted from your hidden heavy heart, and your spirit is starting to be free once again! Much love to you, Corey! xo

[Kimberly]

Corey I pray the Lord is blessing you with lots of sunshine today. :) I am doing well today. Up in North Idaho is reached an amazing 54 degrees with lots of sunshine. It is a wonderful break from the snow and recent rain. This is the first we have seen the sun like this in months. Just beautiful and a reminder that new life is right around the corner. Blessings, Kimberly

[pam]

The month of March holds many memories for me. For several years sadness would hit me hard like a sledgehammer or flood over me like a tidal wave.

March 1- wedding day, 29 years ago

March 2- divorce finalized, 8 years ago

March 14- he left me, 9 years ago.

This year two of those hard days came and went without a shed tear or a single pang of sadness. Time heals, and today I am doing just fine.

[amber]

Just love. That's all I have for you.

:)

[Tammy]

If I could hug you I would and then give you a cup of tea to soothe your soul too. Your words are always a treasure. I will be praying for you.

love and blessings

[Antigona]

Don't worry Corey, soon enough, your dreams will change and you will have the wonderful, peaceful dreams that fill your heart with loving memories, of times gone by, and you will see your loved ones, embracing you, and you will feel your heart being filled with the healing warmth of love.

[Barbara Sydney Australia]

Darling Corey your thoughts inspire me & your writing amazes me.

[pinar]

I believe our parents don't want to leave us .. maybe because they feel we will not be able to survive their abscence.. at once..

so they make us feel they still care about us.. for a while.. before they go to rest in peace.. they try to accomodate us.. to our loneliness as their children.. because we have different personalities.. we are parent.. kid.. wife.. different roles.. requiring different affections..

I had felt the presence of my mother after her death a few times ..me too..sometimes when I felt down sometimes on ordinary days..

God bless you and may your dad rest in peace..

[Elaine L.]

Although I know you don't regret a moment of those days you spent by your father's side, I can understand how those days could place a scar on your memories and in your heart.

I pray that as the days go by, those days will be replaced by a million memories of all the happy and wonderful experiences with your dad. I'm sure those are the memories your father would want you to cherish.

~elaine~

[Jend'isère]

The comment by Jen was enlightening. It is wonderful that those who are no longer with us physically are always in our dreams! Faites des bons reves=sweet dreams.

[Gina]

Corey,
My heart goes out to you. I am amazed at your ability to write about how you feel so that we feel like we were sitting on the edge of your bed with you, arm around your shoulder. Reading the many other comments maybe that is what we are all trying to do here. Letting you know that we are reaching out to offer a little support on a day that you need it. You are an amazing person to be able to let the sadness out the window and face the rest of the day with positive thoughts. I hope the day has been good to you.
Gina

[Lisa]

YES FRIEND, YOU ARE SO RIGHT.

HEALING HUGS FROM MAINE TO YOU.

http://sophie4me.blogspot.com/

[Candy]

The other night at a Soaking time at my friend's house I saw my mom. She made a single gesture that was so completely her and she came rushing back to me. I loved it. I miss her. I know just what you mean.

[Michelle McAvoy]

Hugs to you. May your day be better and may your Dad continually have his arms wrapped around you.
Michelle in KY

[Shelley Noble]

What a gorgeous gorgeous description, Corey. I love the imagery of the sadness leaving. So visceral.

[Mika]

Truly, your writings are a gift from God. The way you open your heart and pour it's contents out for all of us to share in...I am grateful that I have found your Blog. Some days I just come by to look at the images and I am filled with the joy of the beauty in the world. Other days I take time to read and I am ALWAYS filled with the beauty that is in your heart. Honestly, I strive to be as heart achingly open and honest as you...even if it is simply to myself. Your words are lovely poetry and wonderful reminders of what is TRULY important in life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you...again.

[kelleyn]

LOve Love your stories. Not that my opinion matter,but I think the mushrooms would look cute painted.

[Pam Stewart]

Dear Corey,
Checking in on your Blog every now and then over the past two and 1/2 years has been a god send and a mini escape.

You see, My husbands kidney cancer had returned and he spent the next two years in treatment. Then there was nothing else they could do and we spent the next six months saying good bye.

In September of 2008, my brother died, in December 2008, my darling husband died and in January 2009, my father died. I was able to be at the bedside of all three.

I have a wonderful support group and without you knowing, you are among them. You so often put into words what I am feeling!

I think of you as my dear Corey. You are treasured by more people than you will ever know. I just needed to tell you! With so much gratitude, Pam