The word handyman and the husband that is French do not get along. If there is one thing I could change it would be that, and his long need for silence. To make matters even more interesting that man who is French does not like anyone to do things that need to be done. So hiring a handyman is out of the question. Kinda really drives me to swear under my breath and often out loud.
The woman he married has a tendency, oh wait that might be too mild of a word... to change things, add things, likes old things that need repair. So a lack of handyman and a woman who loves home decor can create for quite the game of: "How to make this happen?"
Learning to let go and let be is awfully aggravating at times. Usually I am not successful, not at all zen, and well basically a brat.
Prioritizing my handyman jobs is high on my list of learning, "How to make this happen" and keeping peace at home. Don't get me wrong that man of mine who dislikes doing things around the house, appreciates a beautiful home, but could so easily live in a tent... maybe prefers a tent.
As we planned our trip to Paris, to stay in our apartment and visit our children I knew I had limited time to get things done. I wanted the bed to be raised... but that didn't happen. I wanted the large bust that I bought in September to be fixed so it could stand upright... that didn't happen. I wanted to paint the front door but that didn't happen. Instead I focused on hanging the collection of 1700s French antique platters that I had been collecting this year for the two walls in the apartment.
I know how to drill holes, I prefer nails, but funny how nails and stone walls don't get along. Also another amazing fact is how pictures can cover big holes. So like I was saying I know how to drill holes but French Husband unravels if I daresay, "I can do it." If I want him to unravel all I have to say is, "I am going to drill holes." Can you hear me laughing? You see French Husband is for the most part easy going... but that is because I know what not to say... well sometimes.
List in mental hand I picked the moment carefully to ask that man who hates to do handyman jobs, and dislikes anyone doing them, and goes nuts if I attempt to do it myself, to drill NINE holes.
Nine holes is serious business. Serious reflection. Crime worthy. Stressful. Ridiculous to ask.
The day before we left Paris I asked Sacha if he would drill some holes, he said, "Sure."
Just like that. Sure.
Wow, what a concept.
French Husband didn't know what to say.
Why hadn't I figured out that trick before?
The power of the son. Trump card. Magic trick. Love. Happiness. Nine holes with one.
For the record I ask for a handyman every Christmas only to have someone sigh and roll their eyes. Now I have Sacha. If only he lived closer.
Sacha is a perfectionist.
His tendency to have things just a certain way is actually a plus when you want something done right. I remember when he was little if I asked him to sweep the terrace he would literally sweep it lickable clean.
Perfectionism can be annoying. But not this time.
Son-shine.
Mom beamed.
That other guy called husband didn't know what to think.
Mom thought genius!
Dad fretted.
Son worked on.
Most of the platters are from Gien, late 1700s, they are perfectly imperfect: Cracked, crackled, chipped and stapled.
I reminded that man who isn't a handyman, "Remember you found this one for me?"
I could read his regretful mind. I asked, "Don't you like them like this? Tricky question isn't it?" I giggled and nudge him but he wasn't buying my "let's move on" ticket.
Sacha continued.
Years ago when the children were children my parents came to visit us. I had been begging Yann to drill some holes in the kitchen so I could put up a rack to hang pans on. After days of asking Yann to do it, my dad bought me a drill. I dared not use it because Yann would not appreciate it. Weird I know, but don't all couples have weird things in their relationship that they have to work around and be mindful of?
Anyway, one evening after asking Yann for the millionth time to drill two holes, he said, "We (like he had a mouse in his pocket) had to think about it some more, since the house was old and not standard, there could be electrical wires to consider, or a pipe or something... we couldn't just drill a hole just like that." My dad had had it, he stood up, grabbed the drill he bought me and drilled a hole in the place I had marked.
POOF the wall exploded, and I am not EXAGGERATING! POOF! Hot water came flooding out of that rapidly ever growing hole.
As the wall became a sideway volcano, our children cried, my mother covered her mouth, my dad swore, I ran to turn the water-line off and Yann's point was proven.
Nobody ever used the drill my dad bought for me again.
French Husband grabbed the pliers.
I teased, "Isn't it fun to have a family project."
His smiled did not crack as charming as the platters.
Oh well.
The corner piece I found in Paris a few months ago. French Husband had a helluva time getting it home: The shop was closing, we were leaving the next day, it didn't fit in a taxi or a car... so he carried it home. He is generous like that.
Handy man or transporter?
While in Paris this last week I painted it. Which I did instead of painting the front door. Some painting projects are more creative, inspiring, more fun than others. I tend to do the fun stuff first.
"Nine platters hanging instead of nine ladies dancing!" I cheered.
French Husband didn't respond.
Son shook his head.
Mother didn't care.
Platters hung,
Victory.
Son stepped back and offered his opinion, "A few more platters are needed." Which was music to my ears, he asked if I had anymore?
Ha.
I wished. I agreed. I thanked him.
At that moment I saw that man called my husband calculating the meaning of more platters needed: More holes to drill.
"Oh God."
Though even he agreed, more smaller platters were needed.
Love can shine through cracks.
... and they lived happily by the end of the day.
So nice to read that Yann is generous when it comes to getting things to the apartment. I could hardly believe that he carried the cabinet all the way home which I hope is close to the point of purchase. He seems a keeper for so many reasons.
As for Sacha: bless his pea pickin' heart.
Posted by: Mdm Tortoise | 28 December 2014 at 09:37 PM
P.S. The result of his work: perfect.
Posted by: Mdm Tortoise | 28 December 2014 at 09:41 PM
The story of the drill and the water pipe had me laughing out loud. Though I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time.
The plates look great and they're in my favorite color: various shades of white.
Posted by: Diogenes | 28 December 2014 at 11:04 PM
i actually love how you have readers in tears of poignancy one day then do such a realistic down to earth post like this. In answer to your question, yes, in this house we do have "weird things in [our] relationship that [we] have to work around and be mindful of." And I love how you balance the quotidien frustrations with acts of generosity and love -long term relationships are like that - compromise, cuddles, and working out who puts out the bins....
Posted by: Liz | 28 December 2014 at 11:12 PM
DITTO Liz! So true about the C.C. and bins. Merci!
Posted by: French la Vie | 28 December 2014 at 11:50 PM
Dear Mdm T. Oh a keeper indeed. He has done more in that apartment than imaginable! And has carried tons! The shop was over a mile away. Gulp.
Posted by: French la Vie | 28 December 2014 at 11:54 PM
Oh Corey, I've said it before (this morning in fact!), and I'll say it again -- I cannot believe how alike Yann and Pierre are! The same dark curly hair, the same speed demons (they could make good ski buddies), similar bone structure, same need for not speaking, same generosity, and now this, the same obstacles to handyman work around the house.
Every idea I get at home is impossible it seems... a couple of months ago, I bought metal files from CB2 to hang on the wall of the office. He rolled his eyes when he saw them, and muttered something about how I am always trying to do impossible things. Hey -- we don't have stone walls, there's no plumbing in that part of the house, and since he did the rewiring himself, he knows where the electricity is and isn't. We even own a stud detector. And there are such things as anchors for drywall.
They are still lying under their boxes under the bed...
Alas, my Viggo is only 8, so I cannot get him to do what Sacha did, although I will do what I can to foster such technical skills ;-)
Seriously, you need to share more tips Corey -- I think both your homes are more finished than mine is!
And I LOVE your apartment, and the plate project. So beautiful!
Posted by: Monika | 28 December 2014 at 11:57 PM
Oh Corey, I do live with a handyman and he looks at me like I have two heads at many requests. He blames the blog world for my home improvement ideas. I usually get what I want but always with a kind warning of this is the last change. Oh sure it is.
Your decorating is stunning. You need to write a book about it.
Posted by: Rhonda | 29 December 2014 at 12:32 AM
A friend often suggests outdoor garden and construction projects that sound fabulous-but are difficult if not physically impossible for one person, Please send Sacha back to Seattle this summer :-)
Can't believe Yann hauled that beautiful cabinet for a mile and then up the stairs! Maybe you need to get a portable dolly/cart to take along when shopping in Paris.
Posted by: kipper | 29 December 2014 at 01:07 AM
Farmboy Husband is taciturn, too, and also won't hire a handyman, so I feel your pain. One possible explanation for Sacha's hands-on attitude could be that he's only HALF-French (LOL!). But that doesn't explain Farmboy husband, who's no more French than you or I :-)
Posted by: Kathie | 29 December 2014 at 01:19 AM
The plate corner like the entire apartment is a world of balanced beauty-isn't life in general so much of a balancing act---the give and take the yin and yang--I often say I need staff-starting with a handyman and a contractor-You have exquisite taste corey in décor and men-
Posted by: g | 29 December 2014 at 01:23 AM
Giggles!
Posted by: Mardog | 29 December 2014 at 03:22 AM
love the platters and the new paint job! perfect as usual my friend!
Posted by: Teresa Young | 29 December 2014 at 04:07 AM
This post just makes me smile.
I have a husband quite similar,
he doesn't want someone to do the
job, but isn't really efficient at
doing it himself. I make a list that
I keep hidden and prioritize it. Then
gradually work down the list only one
job at a time. If I showed it to him he
would be overwhelmed and nothing would get done.
Posted by: Marilyn | 29 December 2014 at 04:10 AM
I use my sons for handiwork all the time. I used to have a handyman. His name was Phil and he was a retired surveyor. He was positively picky and perfectionistic-it was heaven. I would arrange for Phil to come over after my husband left for work. I think the neighborhood was abuzz. For me it was the perfect kind of affair-the husband goes out the front door while the handiman comes in the back door. Funniest thing of all, the husband never even noticed the work handyman did! Alas, Phil moved to Florida. That story about your dad is hilarious:) Corey, and I agree with Sacha, you need more platters. Now get out there and shop!
Posted by: jackie | 29 December 2014 at 04:51 AM
EVERY year I ask for a handyman for Christmas. I have a running list that I keep on my iPhone--ready at a moment's notice. EVERY year, my beloved asks me what I want for Christmas. I say "Could I have a handyman?" Maybe I don't ever get one because he always asks "Why?" Then probably says to himself, after I efficiently pull up my iPhone list, "Oh, I can do that." But really, would I ask for a handyman if he actually did what he things he can do?
Last year, while I was away volunteering in Africa for 2 months, my husband did the nicest thing and painted the inside of the house. Unfortunately, his color choice was not the nicest thing and now the repainting project also resides on my iPhone list.
I feel your pain. And next time you're having lunch at the Marquis (in Chico, my next door neighbors and best friends) we will figure this out.
Posted by: Sher Sutherland | 29 December 2014 at 06:35 AM
Oh yeah, a handyman would be great..I get the sighs & eye rolls when I need things hung up. It's why I have so much not hung up still.
Posted by: tammyCA | 29 December 2014 at 07:36 AM
I've got a handyman. Just at the moment the handiest thing about him is that he is here!! We have just moved and the pictures aren't hung and the shelves need putting up etc. etc,
He says we've only been here six months - no rush.
Guess who's shed is put up and shelved and tools hung up?
Huh!!
Posted by: Hilary | 29 December 2014 at 09:36 AM
We have done many, many projects together and apart in houses all over the country. I'm pretty good with everything but - when my husband hears me getting a hammer and nails or a drill, he comes running. We have plaster walls. Big holes are created when you try to nail or drill into plaster....and yes, big pictures do hide big holes!
Love the story, and LOVE the platters!
Posted by: Loretta | 29 December 2014 at 01:12 PM
Next time buy the paint yourself, in the color YOU want :-)
Posted by: Kathie | 29 December 2014 at 01:43 PM
Beautiful and very funny!
I used to plan projects when my husband was away on business!
Posted by: Dd | 29 December 2014 at 02:11 PM
I had to laugh. My husband is exactly the same way. When we were first married he would try to fix things but they ever quite worked out and we ended up having a repairman anyway. Now I do try to fix some things myself. He says he has neither the talent or inclination or interest. He has so many wonderful traits that I just overlook it. Well, usually.
Posted by: Judyo | 29 December 2014 at 02:29 PM
what a wonderful story retold, especially of the exploding wall! Good luck with smaller Gien platters!
Posted by: Rosemarie | 29 December 2014 at 02:30 PM
Ps - what did you use to refinish the corner cabinet? My sister likes to refinish furniture and your piece looks terrific!
Posted by: Rosemarie | 29 December 2014 at 02:34 PM
Your post is one I could read over and over and relate to your situation! Isn't it funny when the son stepped in all is well, ALMOST! Great story and I love how your corner of wonderful old plates turned out! Your decorating eye is perfect!
Posted by: jackie | 29 December 2014 at 05:14 PM
I belong to your club too.
Sasha is a good boy!
The plates are beautiful, Corey.Wow!
Posted by: Alena | 29 December 2014 at 07:18 PM
What a laugh I had over your burst water pipe story. Being a single girl myself there are some things that I'm just not able to do so I call "Hire a Hubby" and a professional handyman comes over and does a list of things for me at one time. An invoice appears via email and I pay for the service via online Internet banking....so easy.
Next time Yann goes away on business you could have a handyman already willing and waiting to come and do your list while the coast is clear. Say nothing to Yann but cook his favourite dish on his return and some other treats to soften the blow ; ) a girls got to get sneaky when DIY needs to get done!
Good Luck
Posted by: Leigh NZ | 29 December 2014 at 10:36 PM
Ha! Loved the broken pipe story. I frequently refer to you and your antics, but I have never actually read the blog to my husband, until now. Dangerous, I know. It could certainly backfire on me the next itme I want anything done, but I knew he would be amused.
Yay Sacha! Sounds as though he is happy to be handy.
Posted by: Natalie Thiele | 29 December 2014 at 11:11 PM
This very thing happened in our house over Christmas. My DH is not handy (now there's an understatement)!, but youngest son is - and a perfectionist as well. His sisters call him "the helpful child" for good reason. Chairs repaired and new shelves up . DH happy with the progress and that he didn't have to do it. I'm happy because projects are done and done well. And like you, I wish the helpful one lived closer - and not only for his skills!
Posted by: deb mattin | 30 December 2014 at 01:47 AM
The POOF! Oh nooooo! That was no doubt horrifying at the time but hey, now it makes for a terrific story and a funny scene in a potential upcoming movie. Just tell French Husband that. All these requests are research material for a future book (which I've always thought you should write, btw. Seriously. A book. A screenplay).
Posted by: susanna's sketchbook | 30 December 2014 at 06:00 PM
If you knew George Amaro, you'd laugh even louder.
Posted by: Franca Bollo | 30 December 2014 at 08:22 PM
I have one of the handiest men around who not only hangs pictures but buys the art. Try getting him on a plane, though. He'd rather drink a battery acid cocktail rimmed in broken glass. I've spent more time on a plane with Yann than with Mr Bollo.
Posted by: Franca Bollo | 30 December 2014 at 08:29 PM
plane or art buyer... now that is the question!
Posted by: French la Vie | 01 January 2015 at 08:37 PM
Spec-tack-u-lar!!!! Those platters looks like heaven in that corner above that cupboard, Corey. You are a brilliant decorator and a clever wife.
Posted by: Shelley Noble | 02 January 2015 at 10:39 PM
I agree that a few more in the middle would make a lovely arc or triangle to make it look even better. But delightful as it is too. Love that some were hung with the staples on the bottom showing.
I had to rush through looking at this one, so may be back with more comments tomorrow.
Cheers!
Posted by: Rebecca from the pacific northwest | 03 January 2015 at 01:58 AM