Home Sickness by Sietske

 

2011

 

2011

 

 

2011

 

Last November, I went to California to visit my family: My mom, my four brothers and sister-in-laws, my twelve nieces and nephews, plus my aunts and multitude of cousins and friends. I have "gone back home" every year, sometimes twice since I left thirty years ago.

Homesickness is as common as breathing.

I am always missing someone, and loving whoever I am with.

Sietske, a blog reader of mine, wrote me an email when I returned. In it she described spot-on the feelings stirred and why they are stirred regarding homesickness.

 

 

 

 

Home Sickness by Sietske

 

"I stumbled upon your blog, by chance, because of my fascination with France (I am from Holland myself, but spend my summer holidays in France), some 7 years ago, and I have been reading you ever since, because I guess there were a few parallels in our lives. Like you, I married someone from another country and moved away to his homeland (Lebanon), and have two children (one who has left the nest, still grateful for having one at home). And your post about how leaving home, your American home that is, seems to get more and more difficult with age, really struck a chord. Your post touched me, because I have the same sentiments. Saying goodbye gets harder and harder all the time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I moved to Lebanon, there was a war here, and at times the only way of communicating with ‘home’, my parents, was through telex. In the beginning I would see my parents once, twice a year, sometimes no longer than a week, and somehow I was fine with it. I was young, I had my husband, I had my children, I had a busy life, and my parents had their own busy lives. Later on, I spent more time with them, but going back to Lebanon was never a problem for me, because ‘home’ - my parents and the house I grew up in - would always be there when I would get back the next time. I would still sleep in my old room, in the same bed, as I had done my entire live. The dishes in the cupboards, the books in the book case, everything the way I remember, would still be there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

But my mom passed away this summer, and my dad, although still living in the old house, is currently 101.  And now it dawns on me that every time I say goodbye, it may be the last time. And not only will it be the last time I will see him, but it will also be the last time that I will have slept in my own little bed, in my own room, and will have had breakfast at the old table, surrounded with all the things of my childhood. It will be the end of an era. It sounds strange but I think it is this realization, that at that moment, my childhood will be forever out of reach, that causes goodbyes to become harder and harder with age. 

 

 

 

Ten years ago

 

 

 

And it is different for me, for you too I guess, than it is for my brothers, who still live in Holland. They have set up their lives in Holland, and so, in a way, they have an alternatively established link to home, but my link to ‘home’ is through my parents and my ancestral home. The realization that soon this link will no longer be there, is making it -for me at least – each time harder and harder to say goodbye. The last 3 times were really difficult. And so when I read your post, it really touched me. In a way I am glad that I am not the only one that has this sentiment.

 

 

 

 

Now that I have a child of my own who has left to study abroad, I realize how difficult it must have been for my parents to have a child so far away. Anyway, this was all a very long story, just to tell you that I have been reading you for some seven years now, and although I never ever leave comments (I am more known as a lurker, I guess), I just wanted to share with you how your words have touched me.

 

Sietske Galama in Beirut

 

Thank you Sietske.

 

Comments

[Taste of France]

My parents had me late in life, so by the time they were old, which was already some time ago, I feared that every goodbye would be the last. In the last year of their lives, I went home five times, which was a huge financial burden. What kills me is that now that they have both died (within a couple of weeks of each other--so common with elderly, long-married couples), I haven't been able, financially, to go home to see my beloved siblings. My kid is upset about not seeing cousins. I miss not only my dear siblings but also friends who have been part of my life so long as to be family (my best friend and I go back to when we were both about six months old).
Homesickness is very, very hard.

[Jacklynn Lantry]

What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing what others share with you. My youngest son decided he was ready to be independent and got his own apartment last winter. My youngest daughter decided she wanted to transfer to a university farther away and would live on campus. Suddenly a house that once had 9 people living in it, has 2. It is a huge house, big enough for 4 kids and 3 elderly relatives whom we cared for until they died (over 20 years.) Empty nest, I think they call it. It is difficult. I can hear the yearning in your writing Corey...across the oceans, like the sound of wood creaking of an old ship, rocking in heavy seas. It is the sound of a heart contracting.

[Our French Oasis]

Goodbyes are always so so tough. For several years we lived in New Zealand, but both of our families were in Europe. It was a fabulous life, our youngest daughter was born in Auckland, it is the most stunning country I have ever visited, however, the distance, 26 hours to London, was impossible, not to mention the cost with five children, it simply wasn't possible to "pop back and forth." And so we settled in France, we have family here and also in the UK and it certainly is easier, but still always so horrible having to say goodbye.

[Tina]

très touchant...je vous comprends si bien!
hmmm, je suis née en autriche, vecu en france, retournée en autriche, j´attrape le mal du pays tous les jours, sans cesse.... plutôt, c´est mon coeur qui désir....curieux non...et,je me comprends.

[JEANNE GUITTON]

L'émotion est palpable dans vos témoignages.
Dire au revoir à son enfance avec le départ de nos parents n'est-ce pas réaliser que nous prenons leur place, nous rapprochant ainsi de la sortie terrestre ?
Ce qui me réconforte c'est de vous lire et de me sentir moins seule en me nourrissant de vos mots.

[RebeccaNYC]

and now I'm weeping. xoxo

[Kiki]

ha, I was reading NZ etc and 5 kids and realised it's you.... :)
I know, another important thing we share!

[Kiki]

Sietske & Corey
The reason I usually don't comment to those posts of yours is that it hurts too much. I'm very much a 'homesick child', always was and the fact that I also always was full of a sense of adventure, going places, discovering other people, didn't really help.... I think there is not a single day I am not thinking of my country, my family & friends. We haven't the same extremely close connection you have and are always aware of the fact that it was US who LEFT and therefore it's us to make the effort, both time-wise as financially to see everybody.
Some such as Susan and yourself have now their own family with them (even though children always will at one stage leave their parents anyway) but I was always separated from parents and siblings as well as my son and it's really tough.
But love overcomes everything, or that's what they say - so we mustn't 'complain' but be thankful for all the riches we've got in our life.
Sietske, Corey and everybody sharing their thoughts and feelings, Thank You, MERCI, you are all not alone.

[Kristin]

Thank you Corey and Sietske for sharing thoughts, feelings and the story of separation. My parents, now both deceased, are missed often...little memories come alive as small pieces of each day are present for me. When I walk around my garden, I am once again that little girl in the garden of my bestemor in Portland Oregon...listening to her Norwegian accent and words as she taught me how to truly make a fine garden, to harvest food and to always feed the bees, butterflies and birds. Now a grandmother I treasure the time I have with my daughter and her family...soon the first grandchild will be heading off to college, and surely I have given some memories to her that she, too, can carry along.
For many years now, since early in your blog writing days, I have read your words, been touched by the love you share along with stories of delight and wonderful photos. Thank you Corey for coming into my life each day. You are one bright spot that shines hope and delight around the world. May your visit home this summer be filled with so many times that you can memory tuck into your pockets and carry to the home and life you share with Yann, Sacha and Chelsea.
Peace to you all......Kristin

[Ann of Avondale]

I used to travel twice a year to visit my parents. For 22 years that was our vacation. Then dad passed away and I had to visit mom more often due to her illness. Then mom passed away and now there is no "home" to visit. The connection to my childhood is gone. No matter what age we are, we feel like orphans when our parents pass away. That love connection is gone in the physical sense but never in spirit. Then we realize that life on earth isn't forever. We change and everything we know changes. Nobody prepares us for this change, but we manage to continue living without our loved ones. We will never forget them and we carry on.

So now we are preparing for our vacation, not to visit mom and dad but somewhere different. After all these years I don't know what it is like to have a vacation without visiting them. I am being pressured to pick a place for a vacation. Sounds weird, how difficult can it be to go to an interesting, nice and relaxing place. It's all part of life's changes, it's never the same and we are called to new directions. That's life.

[Sietske]

I feel honored and humble. And like Ann of Avondale said "I don't know what it is like to have a vacation without visiting them." I am 'going home' in June, to see my dad , 102, but still alive and kicking in our/my old house. I will cherish it for as long as it will last, and deal with life's changes once they present themselves. So glad you have been around with your lovely blog for all these years, and hopefully many more years to come.
Sietske

[Mardog]

Thank you for your touching post and Corey, for you sharing it. Enjoy Glenn County!

[Kiki]

Ann, this made me cry..... so true!

[liz]

After my dad passed away, I was the one that cleaned out our childhood home. He wasn't much for material possessions but years of living in the same place, well somehow there was a lot of stuff. Although I still have friends in the area, it no longer feels like I have any ties to the place other than memories. And those places in memory only exist now in my mind. I have a small adorable cottage that I would never have been able to afford if I had stayed in NY and I love to hear the birds sing and see wild rabbits on my lawn but I also miss hearing the fog horns and sniffing the brine from the Long Island sound. I tried to be mindful and honor our childhood home as I was letting it go but I have no idea how I was able to do it and would prefer never to have to do such again.