Not the Same

For over a year I faithfully walked five miles or more every day as a prayer for my brother.

I walked in rain, heat, at night, early in the morning, during curfew in a circle in our courtyard...

I did it no matter what and in the back of my mind, I would think if my brother has to suffer for no reason every day with terminal cancer

I certainly can walk every day as a prayer.

 

But since his parting, I have felt a change in my steps

Not as fast

nor determine

less mindful

each step is just another step-

blah

I walk but it doesn't feel the same

and I am not motivated.

Grief hits in unexpected places.

I was walking for my brother and I could be walking for him now but it isn't with the same intention.

And it doesn't feel right to have another intention just yet.

So I walk and one day the grief will trail behind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Lil]

'One day the grief will trail behind'. Sad true and hopeful, all at once.

[jackie]

Grief plays out differently for everyone. Some situations fuel intense energy...and others, well, others have little or no fuel, it feels like you are trying to swim through mud. Just keep your head above water...and when you feel you cannot, ask someone to help hold you up.

[g]

c-I am in no way equating my prayer intentions with the same depth as yours or any family member - everyday for the past year plus he is there with me under the intervention of Our Lady of Good Success …. not just Marty -- all of you are sometimes my phraseology is different but the thread is the same- and I have not altered since he has left-I can't do it yet from body to soul - so I focus on his wife daughter sons you his brothers and his many nieces and nephews I always always always place your mom before Marty or right after -her child...I understand the change but I am just not there yet … I know he didn't know me nor does his family … I feel like I know him … everyday I think of you walking-- those months you spent in willows --his struggle …. it is all just so much....grief a strange companion-

[Vicki Malignaggi]

You are truly moving with each step to a New Day, whether a quick step or a slow reflective step, each is a step forward into Positivity. Sending my Angels, Vicki

[Ella Dyer]

Chère Corey,

Continuing to hold you and yours close in our hearts and prayers.
Hugs from Nice,
Ella

[Jeanne]

The walk through grief is never an easy one.
As long as you are putting one foot in front of another.
We are all walking each other home.
Love Jeanne

[Anna]

Everyone has said it so beautifully here —- grief ....putting one foot in front of the other, day by day, as Marty’s loving spirit walks beside you. Peace, my friend.

[JeanneRenee]

Le chagrin est pour moi le mot juste qui accompagne la séparation et je vous suis alors dans vos pas, lourds de chagrin, et maintenant peut-être vides de sens mais chaque jour ils vous mèneront vers une possible cicatrisation. Chacun de vos pas est pour vous. " ... Soyez douce avec vous-même..."

[Kathy]

If I could hug you, I would. Be gentle with yourself, dear friend. I am holding you close to my heart.

[Melly]

Love. Sending you much love.

[Kathie B]

Keep walking, even if on autopilot. Glimmers of clarity will come, especially from the surrounding beauty.

[Marilyn]

Now I understand more why you were such a dedicated walker. I love walking, but have not been dedicated during the pandemic like I was before. Yes, we need to just keep walking. I find it best when I go with a heart of meditation and prayer.

[Shelley Noble]

Wow. That is such a beautiful devotion and self-awareness.