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17 May 2021

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You write the truth and the comments of your daughter's friend from Africa are wise and compassionate.

I know well that sense of guilt for living after a loved one has died (or been significantly disabled).

Maybe it's only rationalizing, but I tell myself that I now need to honor that person by living enough for us both. Easier said than done, but at least I try.

There are unspeakable journeys. Journeys where there is no room left for grace, and the only courage left is to remember to inhale and exhale.

As my sage father used to say: "que seja pelas almas do purgatório"...(may it be for the souls in purgatory) all the unthinkable pain and injustices of the world. Amen.

Great words
Great courage
Great kindness
Thank you

Jennifer

Thank you for sharing these thoughts... I'm now living my own courage journey and
some days are so hard and I get so frustrated, and then I think of so many others
who have such difficult lives and sorrows... and so I pray and ask the Lord to
forgive me for getting angry, and pray for mercy and grace and strength for the days
ahead.....

Beautifully said, Corey.

Thank you again Corey. I heard this yesterday on one of my Christian channels. Don't look at what you have lost, look at what you still have. Blessings

Wow, brava! 🤩
So very profoundly true, love it 😍 🥰
Standing ovation please, for Corey 👏👏👏

I wanted to write yesterday because I fully understood what you wrote. I didn’t because I felt I couldn’t share all that I thought was difficult in my life, it was too much and not nearly as awful as some. What you shared today made me realise that my journey matters and that I should not dismiss it’s hair pin bends and winding roads not even the smooth straight stretches. Your words gave me light many many years ago when I shared but did not really share a significant event in my families life. I still have your email. I have never been able to get back to writing because I couldn’t reconcile the life I was living to the life I had hoped to have. I could never write about the joys because of being so weighed down by the sorrows. Bad choices, wrong turns, and now at 63, it is all I can do to get up and face another day of my journey. Nothing as harrowing as the story you have shared, but, it is my journey and would like to hope that today it could turn a new turn on the road that is more light than dark and more joy than sorrow. Your beautiful words have been a balm when I have needed it, even though I don’t always respond. Covid has been a brutal awakening and turning point, I would love to have the map and the compass for my future road and the energy and faith to take it. That’s my prayer that I can keep going no matter what.
Love your words and your pictures, thank you for the joy you give to this world even when you are hurting. X

Your words deeply touched me. I love the way the words flow from your heart, honest and sincere.
Every single one of us suffers in some way on our journey through life. I pray for everyone suffering.
Grab on to the moments of joy in life as sometimes they are very fast and fleeting.
Thank you for your blog postings that I have read everyday since you began.
Love Jeanne

Your beautiful words, dear Corey —- such rich fodder for contemplation and reflection, for gratitude and joy, and yes, sadness. It all belongs. Thank you for enriching my day.

The best anyone has ever written about life's journey when you are older. Just lovely, Corey. Our 17 year cicadas are coming out here in MD and it reminds me of the passage of my life. From being a child the first time, to dating, to young motherhood, to empty nester. We are part of the natural world, all our sorrows and joys are just transitions, like the cicada. And we metamorphose into something new from these trials, spread our new wings and keep going. Thank you!

Thank you, friend. Thank you for your thought-provoking, heartfelt words. I am touched.
I send you love....

“It is not ours to compare suffering but to live the life we have”. My new motto. I became 80 years old on May 6. The number 80 frightened me. I do not look, act or dress like an 80 year old. I surprise everyone. But now every morning when I awake I say aloud how grateful I am to be alive, in good health, and full of gratitude for all the beauty around me. I have had suffering, yes, I have but I am alive!!!!! So many people have died who were way younger than me. I am nowhere near death. I celebrate life every day. Thank you for all your wonderful words, Corey.

That sense that being sorrowful is what we owe our departed loved ones ... evidence that we haven't forgotten, that our lives are less happy without them ...

Someone said, or maybe I read:

Imagine you have died and you are able to hover around one of your loved ones. Do you want her to be miserable because you are gone? Or do you want her to be happy even so?
Well of course you want her to be happy. It will distress you if she is not, if she thinks she owes you her neverending sorrow in order to prove her love for you and her profound loss at your death.

Now imagine your departed loved one is hovering around you. Do you think s/he is happy you are miserable? No, s/he isn't. S/he wants you to be happy.

Grieve, yes. It is what it is, just as you say.

One of my best friends in France lost her 10 year old daughter in a freak accident...she found her body and I don't know how she ever moved past that. But she has. She does not speak of her loss, but her joy in living is one of the bravest things I have ever witnessed. Living your life with joy and love after an unimaginable loss is brave but also wise. If she had just given into sorrow, two lives would have been senselessly lost.

Your daughter's friend has found a keeper! What a wonderful and wonderfully worded insight. I lost my mother, at 100 years of age, my sister to ALS and my significant other of six years to two kinds of cancer within two years. I have come to believe that each of them selected the lives they lived and deaths they endured for the lessons learned, the karma accumulated and for other reasons we cannot fathom. It is only those of us left behind who endure sadness and grief. Those who have passed on are in a place of peace, resting and deciding which life to live next. The minute they shed this body, they recognize that the worries and concerns of this world are of little consequence and would want their loved ones left behind to take advantage of all the joys available to them before they, too, go on that most exciting adventure.

Thank you Corey. Your words connect us all, which is how I want to feel. Connected to a world of vastly different and sometimes the same or similar feelings, thoughts, emotions and experiences.

Thank you for this reminder. I waited a day or so to post because I don't want to take away from the sacred feel your post has, but I wanted to share how I learned this lesson.

Years ago when my son was 7 he was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder, and then re-diagnosed to place him in the 2% of children who would most likely never recover. It was one of those things that had the very serious potential for death while at the same time could just be a bother...it was like walking an invisible tightrope from day to day as we would test and retest to check his levels and blah blah blah every day to keep him safe, and at times secluded from others.

One day after a check I was very concerned. Protocols were already set in place so we got in the car and drove the hour and a half to get an official check up at the oncology clinic. We checked in and then went into the "purple" area, the area set aside specifically for children who danced daily with angels and death.

As the daughter of an RN and Radiology Tech I fully understood the calm voice calling "Code Blue, Area Purple, Code Blue, Area Purple" repeated over and over as we entered the waiting area. Someone's child was losing their battle. Some Mom and Dad were standing at the veil between earth and heaven praying for their little one to stay.

In that moment, I took a quick inventory of our personal situation and felt it could wait, our problem seemed so very very small, almost petty, a waste of time. I walked over to pull our paperwork from the slot when Janine, one of our nurses saw me. She took one look at me and knew what I was doing and shouted "SIT YOUR MOMMA BUTT DOWN AND DONT YOU MOVE UNTIL I SEE YOU!" She said it with such a tone that I feared leaving, so we sat down and waited.

The "Code Blue" was cleared, and about 20 minutes later Janine came over and talked to me kneeling so she could look into my eyes as she spoke in a strong firm whisper. "Momma, I KNOW you know what just happened here. And I also KNOW that right now you are feeling like you don't deserve to be here. But I'm telling you, this is not *YOUR* "Code", not today, and it doesn't matter why you are here, you came because *you* have a problem that we can address. Just because your problem isn't as serious as their problem doesn't mean it isn't as *important*. You are here because you need to be, for whatever problem no matter how big or small. And *we're* here because it is our job to help you. Don't you go take my job away." Then she asked me specific questions, did a very quick analysis and asked us to go get dinner and come back -and made me promise to come back with that same tone she had before. We did, and yes, it was good that we stayed and received the help only they could provide.

I learned that day that yes, we *all* have situations, some more serious than others, but all of us deserve to be healed and comforted. It is extremely difficult for someone to feel deserving of help when they are aware of the depth of another's sorrow or need. But we all need help. A loving God has provided so many helpers for us. Each of us had the power to lift and to be lifted. It is a Great plan when we learn how to move with it and through it towards each other.

Thank you again, such a good good reminder!

Beatiful thoughts Corey. I forwarded this to two of my friends who speak of their grief openly when they are feeling it. Also, your followers responses are beautiful too. I love the word grace!

Your words reach deep and help soothe the soul. I lost my Mother when I was 28 and my daughter just 6 months old. I still think of her often and how she would have enjoyed watching her grow. Never fear to continue expressing your feelings in what you share with us.

True Words, great post.

Your blog is one that I truly cherish. Your words hit home with many us. Grief is something we all experience sooner or later in our lifetime. Sadly, for some, it is sooner, and sadly too often. Our oldest son died of a very rare cancer (1 person diagnosed out of millions, in a years time) I believe my prayers were heard,but God had other ideas, and I was very sad and angry for a long time. Now I know, God has his plans for each of us, and I still pray, but now to thank him for all I have, health, a happy marriage with my husband of 58 years, 2 sons and their families, and also the daughters of oldest son, all grown up, married, and with children of their own. God is Good, and grief does gets softer after time. Thank you Corey, for being here for all of us. You have no idea, how much we "Love" you!

Hugs from Wisconsin

Wow. Just wow. We all need to grab onto and cherish all of the good we are lucky to have in our lives.

Thank you! Sadness has been such a part of the pandemic and now that we are coming up for air I know I am feeling it most strongly. I appreciate you and the stories you share. So often what I am thinking you put in to beautiful words.

I am just seeing your blog for the first time, but I will be back. Please keep letting the comforting, insightful, encouraging words flow as they will. We all need them.

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