A Question About Friends Who Divorce

 

Glorious spring.

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Tell me, have you ever had dear friends get a divorce?

If so, how did it affect your relationship with them?

 

Comments

[Kathie B]

Oh my yes, and it's awkward to be a friend to both. Even under the most civil divorcing circumstances -- and while I try to make a good faith effort not to take sides -- I've always found myself eventually drifting apart from one of the ex-spouses.

I'm so sorry this is happening in your circle. There are no winners, really. And if there are children involved, it's never their fault, and yet they inevitably pay a price.

One last thought: The divorce can actually be relief for the couple, after long-time difficulties.

[Lil]

Good friends got divorced and we ended up friends with just the wife. Knew too much about the husband's bad behavior and we stopped seeing him.

[Kathie B]

Not all divorces are the result of either spouse engaging in bad behavior. In fact, both partners can be very good people, but a glacially slow shift in values and interests over the years turns them irreconcilably incompatible with one another.

[g]

It is hard when there is a split in any relationship because of the interconnectedness of the people .... shared memories milestones sorrows and joys the ties that bind so to speak. It is hard to keep seeing both sides and i believe eventually you settle on the person who you will remain more intimate with-sometimes it happens because a new person is added to the mixture-a deliberate removal of oneself from contact-a physical moving away-only time will tell how it is to play out-yet it is almost inevitable one remains and the other in another direction. i hope all is well for all involved.

[Karen K]

Ugh. So difficult! Almost as awkward is when two friends in your tight-knit friend group argue and "break up". How do you remain in contact with either? Someone is bound to think that you're taking sides.

[Ann of Avondale]

Difficult situation, as we spent time together, all four of us, for years. Then, trying to maintain a friendship with one or the other didn't work. Sadly, we eventually lost track of both of them.

[Momof5]

Yes and it depends very much on the circumstances. I always thought if it was a couples
friendship I’d stay friends with both. In reality that is difficult to do. We had close friends divorce and I ended up taking the wife’s “side” because it was incredibly tough on the kids and the way it ended was very messy I’m a way that should have never happened. My husband saw him occasionally but without me.
I just couldn’t. I think it depends on the circumstances….

[marilyn]

My daughter has been divorced twice. With the first divorce I was glad as he was not a nice man. I still care about the second one and he is the father of my grandson. When they split up I had to take a big breathe and come to terms with how I would treat each of them. I love my daughter and she comes first. As it happens I have been able to keep a good relationship with her ex-husband and he sends me pictures of my grandson whenever they are together. My daughter works on Sundays; so each Easter our ex-son-in-law comes for Easter teatime and an egg hunt for our grandson. We make it work and I am thankful for that.