-Take a blank canvas prepare it with a good base coat, and a strong foundation.
A year ago on this day my life's journey took me on a long ride back to my roots, to the center of my being, to the depths of emotion and to the heart of the matter.
– Next step, add color by living your daily life… a little bit of work, a dab of dreams, focus of family and friends, strokes of kindness, touches of mixed emotion and failed attempts.
Life is an art project. It can be viewed as beautiful, or a simple free for all mess, or somewhere in between.
A year ago I was planning my Fiftieth birthday party. I had invited the guests, planned a menu, organized our home for an evening of feasting and dancing, and bought a dress.
French Husband and I had just arrived home with a truckload of groceries. I was laughing thinking how crazy I was for wanting to plan my birthday party at home. We put the boxes of Champagne and the kilos of cheese and vegetables on the counter when the phone rang.
– See what colors you have and use them to create something uniquely your own. You might need to mix them together to find a balance or a focal point. Take what you have and go for it.
It was nine o'clock at night in France. Midday in California, when my sister in law called to tell me that my father was in the hospital.
I fell to my knees. My worse nightmare was taking place. Desperately I tried on-line to find the fastest way to get back to California to be by my father's side. The next plane available was leaving France the next day at 3am.
– When painting on the canvas of life expect the unexpected. Make room for it. Embrace the drops that seem to unsettle the plan. Take your paint brush; Blend and trust it will look good somewhere, somehow.
It was hard to stay focus when everything around me was a blur.
3am was a lifetime away, and to top it off it would take another 22 hours of flying, before I arrived home. I was worried I would be too late.
-Once you have your supplies ready dive in. Don't get caught up in if you are doing it the right way, or if it is the best way, or if you are capable of doing it by yourself… your way is the right way so just go for it: Splash and splatter, Slide and shine.
Starring at the birthday decorations, my birthday candles on the counter, the bags of food to make the feast, the plates stacked neatly on the corner of the table… I prepared to cancel my party: How could I celebrate life at a time like this. That is when French Husband stepped and said, "If you cancel your party you will wait long with worry until you catch your plane… or you can dive in and prepare for your party, in honor of your father. You can celebrate life by living with hope."
-Take what you have and make it work. If you don't like it add more color or step back and take a break.
I looked at the ton of food, got up and started cooking.
The party happened: I cooked, baked and prepared the feast of hope. My family and friends surrounded me with comfort, love and enough healing energy that throughout the next several months I often leaned on it as a saving grace. I felt the energy of that moment guide me… it was the best birthday gift I ever received. I felt loved.
-Your hands will get dirty; but that is how it goes.
At the end of my party I packed a small back pack, my camera and computer and set off to catch the plane that would take me on long and winding journey. I stayed by my father's side for the next three months as he died with courage, grace and an amazing amount of faith.
Later, as it was summertime my family flew out to California and we stayed by my mother's side throughout the summer.
–Painting by the seat of your pants is a process, step by step, day by day, even if it appears to be going off in a direction you had not expected… little by little or in one big leap, the painting does comes together. You gotta trust that.
It has been a long, long year. An unforgettable year. A year that has shown me that in the depths of suffering and pain one still has a choice how to live it.
Life is messy. Life is beautiful, and it is ours to live.
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Tools:
A bunch of socks without partners.
A variety of shades of grey paint. Some dark, some light, some that could be mistaken as white.
A bowl of water.
Wax
Two paint brushes.
A knife.
and gallons of patience.
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Photos taken by my son Sacha (who is feeling better.)
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